Communication tips for couples. What do Los Angeles psychologists recommend?

Most conflicts could be avoided if partners communicated. It’s important not just to talk, but to truly listen to your partner, whose opinion matters. As a result of couples therapy, partners often come to one conclusion – they do not know how to communicate with each other. It’s worth taking a closer look on losangeleska what the city psychologists have to offer.

Statistics

Let’s start with some sad statistics. About half of the population of Los Angeles consists of women, and approximately 63% of them are unmarried. Women aged 25 to 44 are in the prime of their lives. They work hard, yet still earn less than men in every professional cluster.

Thus, residents of this bustling metropolis with a wealth of opportunities remain single. In Los Angeles, 5 out of 1000 residents get married. This can be explained by the fact that a large portion of the population is focused on career and personal growth, leading their personal lives to take a back seat. An interesting statistic regarding the average marriage age in LA is that for women it is 28 years, and for men, it is 30 years.

This raises the question: why is it not working? Why can’t women and men build long-term relationships? Perhaps due to a lack of communication and understanding, it is easier to break up than to seek solutions and work on the relationship.

Are we in an exclusive relationship?

In fact, this is the first thing to agree upon with your partner. This is a crucial part of communication that will determine the course of the relationship. Let’s talk more about this.

In Los Angeles, you can meet people through special apps, dating websites, speed dating events, at work, or through friends, etc. The blurred boundaries of modern dating and unspoken details can lead to additional grudges and misunderstandings.

You can gain a pool of experience while talking to locals. For example, some people are straight with a potential partner, which helps in building relationships. There are also residents of Los Angeles who do not address issues they believe are obvious, such as having intimate relationships with only one person.

Dating expert and host of the podcast “We Met at Acme,” Lindsey Metselaar shares her insights. She explains that even when two people have a clear interest in each other, their romantic goals may still differ. Some individuals are convinced that after one good date or a night together, they are a couple and should not see anyone else. However, this is not always the case. Often, one partner holds this belief while the other goes on dates with others and spends time with them. Why does this happen? Because boundaries were not established from the beginning, and nothing was discussed regarding exclusivity.

If one partner wants a serious and exclusive relationship while the other wants to have fun, then the end of such a relationship is inevitable.

Tips for effective online communication

These tips will be relevant for couples who are getting to know each other better:

• It’s important to clarify your own expectations regarding your partner, dating goals, and lifestyle. This will help you understand dating and relationship better
• Don’t rush. When communicating online, it can be tempting to meet up right away, but you need to think things through.
• Be wary of any red flags: evasiveness, requests for money, inconsistencies in stories, deception
• Be yourself. There’s no need to try to be someone you’re not.

Steps for effective communication with your partner

Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., outlines 10 important steps that can minimize the risk of misunderstandings or conflicts in a couple already in a serious relationship.

1. If you plan to discuss a difficult topic, do not do it in bed. Choose a “neutral” place and get comfortable.
2. The next tip is to give your partner your full attention. You cannot discuss serious matters while texting someone else or getting distracted by other devices. You might lean slightly toward your partner to establish a special connection.
3. Next, it is important to establish eye contact. Your eyes should not wander around the room; it is better to look at your partner during the conversation. 
4. Requests can be expressed in various ways and formulations. The phrase “I need you to change” sounds different from “I want you to change.” In the second case, the partner will not feel pressured but will hear a request instead.
5. The partner may share their feelings and tell “what hurts them.” 
6. At this moment, it is highly important not to interrupt, to remain focused and attentive. Not everything you hear may be to your liking, but you must listen to each other. Better relationships can only be achieved through honest and open communication.
7. If you misunderstand something, ask again to ensure you have accurately got the meaning. This way, the partner will understand that what they said is important to you and that you are genuinely interested in their opinion. By discussing various situations from different perspectives, you may be surprised at how differently opinions can vary regarding experiences.
8. Marriage counselors are trained to work with both partners and a third entity, the relationship itself. The thing is that what you or your partner consider to be the best may not actually be so for your relationship.
9. If there is a problem in the relationship, but there is no solution, then it is important to inform your partner about it. Only after that can you look for and discuss options.
10. Honesty and openness are the best friends of a couple. When communicating with each other, do not be afraid to say that you do not know how to act.

Couples therapy

Psychologist Cheryl Mohsen recommends that couples in Los Angeles follow these guidelines when they go to couples therapy:

• Work as a team. You cannot solve problems on your own. By working together, you can discuss the issue at hand and find a solution.
• Don’t be afraid to express your needs. It’s important to maintain a clear line in conversations—express requests, give examples and develop a plan. Accusations will lead nowhere and won’t bring about change. However, the first strategy will help you achieve what you want while maintaining a good relationship.
• Set boundaries. Before entering into serious relationships, discuss exclusivity, meetings and dating others. If the couple is already in a serious relationship or is married, it’s still essential to establish boundaries. These can relate to anything, but it’s important to say what is acceptable to you and what you won’t agree to.
• Open communication. Sometimes, it’s difficult to be honest due to fear; partners may not feel safe. Thus, a pattern develops: if I’m honest, I might get hurt. It’s important to work through this and begin to open up.
• Another important piece of advice for couples in Los Angeles is gratitude. It’s so simple yet incredibly important. As you develop your relationship, don’t forget to compliment each other, give small gifts, kiss and hug. Say and show how grateful you are for your partner.

Finally, it’s worth noting that even a good team sometimes needs help. Visiting a family psychologist can bring clarity to the relationship and help both partners hear important things for each other.