Is There Life After Divorce? Advice for Californians

This is a difficult stage that results in many changes. Not all residents of California are ready for them, so it’s important to share more information about it. Divorce forces you to change your life, affecting work, finances, living situations, and children. The first thing that comes to mind when thinking about divorce is hiring a lawyer, starting a case and dividing property. Read more at losangeleska.

Divorce: What to prepare for?

1. After a divorce, you will need to reassess your financial situation. If you previously relied on two incomes and planned your expenses accordingly, you should prepare for the fact that you will need to change your habits and not spend as much as you did before.
2. Following a divorce, the couple also has to think about the sale of the house or apartment. Consequently, your place of residence is likely to change.
3. When it comes to separating property, it’s important to understand that you will have to let go of some things. In California, property division occurs equally, meaning 50/50. Interestingly, California is known as a community property state, which means that property, money, and assets are considered the couple’s joint property and must be divided equally. An exception in this case may be an inheritance left to only one spouse. If the couple has children, then the issue of alimony arises from monthly payments (up to 40% of income). During the divorce process, a parenting plan is also developed, which includes joint custody arrangements.
4. Relationships with mutual friends will change. Some will stay with you, while others will side with your partner. 
5. You may find yourself no longer being invited to events where all guests come as couples.
6. You may run into your ex-partner at the most unexpected moment. The meeting could be even more uncomfortable due to the realization that your partner is no longer alone.

Going through a divorce is also difficult because of feelings of loneliness. It’s important to view this event in your life as an experience through which you can grow. Surrounding yourself with your loved ones and close friends can be helpful. Consulting a psychologist or psychotherapist can also assist in coping with the psychological aftermath of divorce.

Movies about divorce: A dose of inspiration

California is one of the centers of cinema. In American films, divorce is portrayed as a complicated yet transformative process. Here are a few pictures that depict the experiences of Californian women, which will be helpful for anyone going through this in their own life.

The romantic comedy “The Holiday” (2006), filmed in California and England, features two main characters, Iris and Amanda, played by Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz. The women agree to swap homes for the holidays to avoid heartbreak during Christmas. This movie is beneficial as it inspires positive changes in life after divorce.

The biographical adventure drama “Wild” (2014) tells the story of the main character, Cheryl Strayed, brilliantly portrayed by Reese Witherspoon. After a difficult divorce and an unwanted, interrupted pregnancy, the woman embarks on a hike through the Mojave Desert in Southern California. She seeks to rediscover herself as a woman. Cheryl battles her inner demons while searching for herself against the backdrop of California’s nature. The main idea of the film is recovery after divorce and self-discovery.

How to start life after divorce?

According to statistics by The Orange County Register for 2012, the state has one of the highest divorce rates in the country. Accordingly, about 33 people initiate divorce every day. Other statistics indicate that the divorce rate in California is 60%, while the national average is 50%. This means many broken hearts, broken vows and loneliness.

California experts offer several tips on how to behave after a divorce.

1. The first piece of advice is to establish your own boundaries. If you are getting divorced in middle age, you have likely spent a significant amount of time with your former partner. People around you will be curious about the reasons and details of your divorce. You are not obligated to share this information with everyone, as you do not owe anyone an explanation. This is what Mia Qualia, a certified coach advises.
2. A marriage recovery specialist in California, Dalila Jusic-LaBerge, recommends seeking professional help from a psychotherapist. It is important to choose a person who specializes in recovery after divorce. In this case, it does not matter what caused the end of the relationship. The expert compares divorce to a person standing on the edge of a cliff with intention to jump. Such an action seems impossible and frightening, but with help, it can be accomplished. This is why it is crucial to find support after a divorce and not to face your problems alone. You can rely on family or turn to a professional psychotherapist. Support groups can also be helpful, where you can meet others who are also going through this difficult journey. There is also the option of individual therapy.
3. The third tip comes from Los Angeles writer Stephanie MacAdan, known for her book “Moving After A Breakup.” She advises not to miss the opportunity to transform pain into growth. Indeed, divorce is the loss of a close, beloved person. Some people compare divorce to death. It is important to understand and process this loss. Not everyone is able to get out of this state, and it can linger for years. MacAdan suggests taking a moment to stop and analyze this experience. She has also gone through a divorce but transformed that pain into something beneficial (referring to realizing your potential). Even a difficult and painful experience can bring something pleasant, but it is important to be open to it.
4. The time after a separation is an opportunity to truly get to know yourself. In a partnership, you were busy with the roles of wife, husband or mother. Perhaps, it’s time to put yourself and your own interests first. Jamie Daniel, a California author of the book “The Gifts of Divorce,” advises asking yourself what matters to you. You can experiment with food, movies, music, hobbies and more. It is never too late to learn and discover something new.

Recovery after divorce

It is a complex process that requires time and effort. Some people manage to get through a separation on their own, while others need the help of a psychotherapist. After a divorce, you have the time to focus on yourself and pay attention to things you previously lacked the energy for.

Have you heard the saying that women and men “blossom”? They start taking better care of themselves, doing sports, changing their diet and so on. This includes more careful attention to skin, hair, and nails, changes in clothing style and possibly a new hairstyle. Such changes can be complemented by personal development, such as new hobbies, self-education and learning.

Setting new life goals and dreams can help Californians in planning the future. Experts also recommend creating an action plan to achieve these new goals, which should include both short-term and long-term tasks.

Life after divorce requires quick adaptation and flexibility; however, with the right strategy and support, you can navigate this path with minimal losses.